New Perspective

Well a week from now will be a school night. Yikes!! It's going to be an extremely tough year the main explanation being...Gross Anatomy. I'm not going to worry about that now. I spent my entire night reorganizing my desk, cleaning my room and making a budget for this semester. I made a rough estimate of what my monthly earnings will be and am sending more than half of it (no matter what the amount) to my savings account and the other half being divided into gas (which will be pretty much my biggest expense this entire year) and miscellaneous. I have always been very laissez-faire about my money. I always put my paycheck into my savings and then put some into my checking account and also paid off my visa credit card, which I used strictly for gas. I never looked at my bank statements. That's not going to happen anymore. I have decided to put my credit card away (not going to cut it just yet). First off, I really don't use it and I feel like it will just be temptation when money will be tight for me. At the beginning of the month, I'm going to put a set amount into my checking account and that's it. I've worked out how much gas will cost me monthly and put a little extra for shopping and activities with friends...but not much. I'm only working 10 hours a week this semester and that's really going to be tough on my expensive taste. I'm kind of excited to see how this turns out strangely. Hopefully my savings will be larger at the end of the semester:)
Now, onto more interesting things... I have decided this year is going to be a fresh start for me. Yeah, I'm a year late considering I'm starting my second year of college but in other perspectives as well. I am setting a VERY high bar this year academically. I'm shooting for a 4.0 and with that, hopefully and I cant get more scholarship money. Maryville is not cheap. My mom and I went over my student loan and the figures really scared me. But I'm going to try to come out of my shell this year and meet new people. I'm considering joining a gym and also several clubs/organizations at school. Ahhhh it shall be a busy year. Very busy. And stressful.
I feel like this song should be my anthem for the school year....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3sA5plF6kE

When One is Bored...One Blogs

I'm bored....and thinking about wayyyyy too much stuff. That mainly being, what else in a girl's mind, boys. When I'm bored, I think about how lonely I am. And when I think about how lonely I am, I get sad. All of my friends are packing up and leaving for Mizzou or some other school, while I'm stuck in STL being all depressed. Sometimes I really regret choosing to go to Maryville. I REALLLLLY wish I went with Mizzou. But I had to be 'smart' and choose the school that had freshmen entry for the program/major I'm in; while at Mizzou it's super competitive. But I still want to the big school experience. My school has only 3,000 something students while Mizzou has 30,000. We don't have Greek Life or a 5 mile campus. Sigh. I need to stop regretting. I really do love Maryville. I love being in the Occupational Therapy program and that's what I need to keep telling myself. I didn't make a lot of friends because of 2 major reasons. 1) I chose to room with my best friend which for me, was great, but for my social life, not so great. 2) I can't believe I'm saying this in public...but I suffer from clinical depression and take medication for it. I got put on the meds around November, and at the time the damage had been done. When I was not talking with Becca or with her, I was locked in my dorm room just laying in my bed having no motivation to go out or meet new people. Not the best way to start freshmen year of college. Only 2 people outside of my immediate family know that I'm on medication for depression and it's not something that I'm at all proud of. I don't like having to take pills that make me happy. I still have relapses, even on the medication but they're not as bad when I'm not. Not nearly as bad. I'm really happy almost no one read this. I may delete this post because I don't like people knowing.

You Are Beautiful

"Hi, I'm Kristen. My nose is crooked from taking so many basketballs to the face. My bra size will always be small. My bite needs jaw surgery to be corrected but I will never get it. It seems like more acne appears on my face every week. I never paint my nails, I always cut them off so I don't have to deal with them. I will never be tan. My shoulders have enough freckles for 3 people. I'm 5'9" and I weigh 127. I'm terrified of turning 20.

It doesn't matter what you weigh
What you wear
How you look
Where you live
What you do for a living
How old you are

I am unique. And I am beautiful. I like to call this my 'Naked Hippie Theory.' I am who I am and I'm OK with that. Love yourself for who you really are, and not for who others want you to be. Join me?"

Yeah I just posted that to all of my 701 friends on facebook. Some of my deepest insecurities that I only tell my friend Andrea. I'll be honest. For the longest time...I hated my nose. Like looking up rhinoplasty and actually considering it. But then I realized...I only hate my nose because a 'friend' of mine went around "asking" people what they thought of me and apparently my "big nose" was unanimous. It got to me and I felt worthless. But the thing is, I always thought I was beautiful until that someone pointed out all of my "flaws" that she saw in me. And I allowed myself to feel inferior. It took me all through my high school years to realize that I AM beautiful. Even in high school, people would compliment me, but they fell on deaf ears. The only thing I would listen to was the list of my flaws. It is so unhealthy to focus on that. I felt like a weight was lifted on my shoulders posting that to the world. Eleanor Roosevelt...The only person who can make you feel inferior about yourself is YOU. I am not perfect. I will still struggle against my many insecurities. But I have come to realize that I am worthy for a boyfriend and I begin telling myself that I'm actually the "total package." I am taking a huge step towards inner peace, which I think is the hardest peace to conquer in today's society. Starting this school year, I pledge to try and be the confident girl I never was. I will love myself and I will be proud of who I am. Remember, you are beautiful.